A Very Annoyed Individual
Please don not read this. You’ll probably hate me when you’ve finished.
I bloody hate writing things like these and will definitely regret doing this but I’m going to vent on Tumblr about something that has just angered me very much. You have been warned.
Since the start of the summer, I have been writing a script for a feature length film. I was actually very happy with it for a change and it was, so far, the longest thing I’d ever written and I wasn’t even half way through.
I then obtained a summer job about twelve weeks ago and I was totally distracted from continuing the script until I had completed the job.
It is now twelve weeks later and it has taken me five days to bother actually getting back into working on the script again.
So I have been reading through the original file on which I have been writing the script so I could jog my memory and also tweak bits and pieces as I went along. But then, as I got to page 22, I found that I could no longer scroll down to the rest of the script, it wasn’t there. The remaining pages of my work had been deleted. (I should point out that by the time I paused on writing that I had completed 44 pages, verging 45). So half of the entire script was missing. I checked PDF files that I had sent to friends and that had up to page 35, so I have retrieved some of my work but not all of it.
I know that I definitely was saving my work as I went along and was being very careful. When you’ve written that much and are very happy with how it’s turning out, then you don’t mess around and assume something saves automatically.
This file has somehow gone and ‘un-saved’ half of what I have written and now I can’t get it back.
It was hard enough to get myself to actually start writing this script. I’m not very good at sitting myself down and saying “ok Aaron, you’re doing this and only this for the next while, now concentrate and write an original piece of work”. It took a lot of effort to get myself on a routine where I was writing every day. I was so happy with this routine that, when I actually got a summer job, I was annoyed that it would disrupt my writing.
Though I had not written a word more while I was working, what kept me happy was that I had written more than I’d ever written before and that I couldn’t wait to just jump back into it and eventually finish the script.
Discovering that most of it has totally vanished and I can’t just rewrite it has taken a huge hit on me.
Sitting back here today made me excited, reading through the script made me excited and made me feel capable of continuing the work, but seeing that it was all gone just made me feel like I don’t want to continue writing a single thing anymore. I feel unconfident and incapable of continuing or rewriting this work from scratch. What bothers me is that all that time that I felt excited to get back to writing, this problem was sitting on front of me, waiting to ruin everything. I know you’re probably thinking “well that’s only about 10 or so pages, you can just write them again. It’s not a big deal”, but there was quite a lot in those pages and unfortunately quite a lot that I needed reminding of and now can’t get back. It’s horrible how the simplest of things can take such a massive chunk out of someone.
Being a writer is what I want to do with my life and writing this script has made me feel closer to the person I want to be more than I’ve ever felt. Today has been a massive kick in the head, and is just like what it feels like a career of being a writer would be like for me; very nearly impressive and then something happens to make everything not matter at all.
I’m sorry about this post. I hope you didn’t read this far. I will probably delete this the next time I look over it.